In a season of singleness, it can be hard to focus on the purpose God has for you. Each of us has a purpose and a calling, and for some of us, that purpsoe may be preparing for marriage.
When you were a little girl, were you the one to dream about getting married to your prince charming, and living happily ever after? Or were you the one to stay away from boys because “ewwww boys have cooties”?
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Maybe you’re here and you have been dreaming about your prince charming for quite some time now, but nothing seems to be in motion.
Or maybe you are here after a failed marriage or breakup, and you don’t know what went wrong.
I was the one to dream of one day marrying my prince charming and living happily ever after. But it turns out that to get my happily ever after, I had a lot of work ahead of me …..
Yes, I said work. In order to have anything in life, you have to work hard for it! The same goes for your fairy tale ending.
Picture this… You are walking up a flight of stairs in a building with no other way to the destination. You can skip some steps on the way up the stairs but you can’t skip to the top.
And when you skip some steps, sometimes you are more likely to trip up a little am I right?
Here’s the thing… we can’t skip steps to get to our destination. If we try to skip steps or avoid moving towards our destination at all costs, we will either never get there, or get some bumps and bruises that we could have avoided on the way there!
So if your destination is a Godly relationship, there are a few steps we can’t skip, that I will talk about today.
Step 1 to Prepare Yourself In A Season Of Singleness
Have A Relationship With God
To get to your destination of a Godly marriage, you have to have a relationship with the Lord.
You can’t have a Godly marriage if you aren’t a Godly woman right?
Related : How To Be A Godly Woman
In a season of singleness, it can get lonely, I know because I’ve been there!
But we have much more to focus on than just a relationship with a boy who probably doesn’t have the best intentions…
So my advice is to be patient and lean on God. “When the time is right, I the Lord will make it happen.” Isaiah 60:22
Step 2 To Prepare Yourself In A Season Of Singleness
A Like-Minded Community
In a season of singleness, it is so important for you to have community. Friends that will cheer you on and push you towards God.
Be around people who have your best interest at heart. Who will support you and be there when you need them.
The best place to find a community that will help push you toward God is the church.
If you don’t have a church, I strongly recommend finding one. I know it can be scary especially if you don’t know anyone, trust me I was that girl!
I had just gotten out of a messy relationship, just got out of high school, and had no idea what to do with my life.
When I was called to work with kids, I felt God leading me to work at a daycare that I used to attend when I was little.
This daycare was part of a church that I used to attend here and there for youth.
I was a new Christian at the time so I didn’t have the best community and I had to find new friends. I left the past behind and followed God into a terrifying place.
Now flash forward only 3 years!! I am married to my prince charming, I have a Christian community who supports me, and I am following the call God has for me, still working with children!
All of this happened because I was allowed to get to a place desperate enough to put myself out there even when it was terrifying.
Step 3 To Prepare Yourself In A Season Of Singleness
Fix Bad Habits
This is a really important step. Pay close attention…
Before you get into a relationship, there are some things you should work on and one of those things is bad habits.
I want you to think of some bad habits of yours and decipher if they are keeping you from being a Godly woman.
Bring those to light and ask God to help you decipher what is holding you back from being a Godly woman and ask for forgiveness.
When dealing with bad habits, they take a while to break. We will never be perfect but every day we should try to be better.
Step 4 To Prepare Yourself In A Season Of Singleness
Hurts and Hangups
“The first step is realizing and admitting when there is a problem.”
My husband and I giggle every time we hear this saying. When we first started dating my husband knew of some hurts and hang-ups that I was actively working through.
He works at a church (the church where I work on the daycare side, which is where we met !) and one of his duties was to run technology for a group called “celebrate recovery”.
I would often join him in these meetings and eventually, this group became like a family to me.
The sole purpose of this group was to work through hurts, habits, and hangups, and of course, celebrate their recoveries!
Related: What To Look For In A Christian Guy
Their first step in recovery which was recited at every meeting, was “The first step is realizing and admitting when there is a problem.”
Little did my husband and I know, that just me tagging along to these events with him, helped me with what I was going through.
When healing trauma, it doesn’t go away overnight. We should be praying and working through it as much as we can before a relationship.
However, when you think God is calling you to a relationship and you feel like you haven’t “fixed” everything yet, that could be the enemy trying to get at you.
We will never be perfect and we will always have things to work on and that’s okay. As long as we are actively seeking God and working on overcoming these issues.
In a relationship, some hurts and hangups will %100 come up again. There will be some hurts that you didn’t even know was there.
To this day I get reminded of some hurts and baggage and I have to overcome them. (I now have a partner to do that with). It is an everyday battle but the Lord has brought me through a lot and I know he can do the same for you.
Step 5 To Prepare Yourself In A Season Of Singleness
When my mind is set on something, it is very hard to take my mind off of it. If this sounds like you listen up.
When we get so focused on what we want instead of what God wants, it’s not only not going to work out, but it’s gonna hurt us in the long run.
I look back at a time when I begged God for something that I wanted so badly and I thought would be good for me. There was no room to change my mind, I was determined to get what I wanted and so God allowed it to happen.
If you want to know how it ended, well, it ended, meaning that the relationship ended …. See I thought I knew what was best for me and I thought that it would be better than what God would have. “ the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55: 8-9.
What can I say, I am human. But I defiantly learned my lesson.
What I have learned is, God gave us the freedom to choose, but not every choice that we make will benefit us. So He gave us the tools to decipher if a guy is truly a man of God.
If you are having a hard time deciphering if a guy is a Godly man, pray about it with repetition, and in the meantime go and check out “What To Look For In A Christian Guy.”
Step 6 To Prepare Yourself In A Season Of Singleness
Be Content With Singleness
Before getting into a relationship, I think it’s important to be okay with yourself. Learn how to talk nicely to yourself, and work on those insecurities.
Learn how to be okay with being alone. Not physically alone, but alone as in single. There might be a reason why God doesn’t want you in a relationship yet.
He is preparing you for something. He could be preparing you for your future spouse, or a future calling. What if God calls you to travel one day, what if he has big plans for you before you meet your prince charming?
Think of the waiting season as a purpose. Your waiting could be God’s preparation.
One book you could check out is Micheal Todd’s “Relationship Goals.” He talks about what to do to prepare yourself before you find the person.
Today we talked about 6 steps to prepare yourself for a Christian relationship when in a season of singleness.
- Have A Relationship With God
- A Like-Minded Community
- Fix Bad Habits
- Hurts and Hangups
- God’s Will
- Content With Singleness